by Dhruv Saxena
First things first, this isn't a technical article explaining the FIA rules and regulations which have resulted in ugsome noses on the new set of formula 1 cars. This article’s rant is about their ugliness, which is of such proportions that it would make even Shrek feel better about him.
I've always thought that Formula 1 cars are very sexy. They're the automobile equivalent of bikinis; providing minimal coverage to the body. But since 2009 wherein they introduced major rule changes, they've been getting uglier mostly because of the noses. First, we had the stepped noses. By the time we got used to that look they decided an even more drastic change in rule post 2013 was needed which has given rise to some of the ugliest front ends I've ever seen on anything. I'm fine with downsizing engines in order to make the world a better place for polar bears and penguins but they've made the noses look like a total joke. The same people who gave us DRS, KERS and a whole bunch of amazing technology and design have now come up with this.
Yeah, I know what you're thinking. The resemblance is uncanny. And if you don't know what I'm talking about, ask a friend who has a dirtier mind than yours. Here's another one. That's the new Torro Rosso.
If that doesn't make you go, "OH MY GOD THAT TOTALLY LOOKS LIKE A GENTLEMAN’S SAUSAGE" then I do not know what will. I won’t be surprised if they decide to censor that thing before broadcasting it on national television. The McLaren's not as bad but it’s a tad more disappointing because it was probably the only team which didn't join the stepped nose bandwagon in 2012 and still managed to win races (only 2012 that is). The "anteater" noses, as they're being called, is mainly cause of the designers trying to outsmart the FIA....yet again. Thankfully Force India had the decency to conceal that...erm... Thing by painting it black but that still doesn't reduce the ugliness factor considerably.
With The Williams, Sauber, it’s the same story. The few teams viz. Ferrari (pictured above) and Mercedes whose designs haven't been inspired by the "male genitalia" have gone for a very different look but that doesn't rank too high on the prettiness factor either. They're not as bad but the flat vacuum cleaner look still doesn't go down well with most. The caterham deserves a special mention.
What in the name of all that's holy is that?? I refuse to believe that that thing offers any sort of aerodynamic advantage unless they manage to consistently make it to Q2. It’s almost as if the designers weren't getting anywhere and decided to go out for a drink, managed to score and had that design ready the next day. I think I should also point out the pretty ones out there, well relatively pretty, to balance things out a little. The Red Bull and the Marussia aren't that bad too look at and I would be genuinely happy if their designs work better than the rest. Newey's brilliance? Maybe. We'll have to wait for that. The lotus on the other hand is a completely different story. The twin prong design on its own doesn't look so bad. And it’s totally legal too. But if you look at it keeping in mind the other designs it makes for some mildly funny online humour.
The preseason tests haven't revealed much. We'll have to wait till Bahrain or Australia to know which one actually works. But the good news is these "appendages" will be banned after 2014 and some are speculating that they might just go away mid season. In addition, it might make you drive faster when you spot a Torro Rosso in your mirror because, in the words of Richard Hammond, "you really don't want to be rear ended by that!"