- How do you review a 7-1 trouncing? How do you sit down to write and not laugh? Whatever Germany did last night was an absolute annihilation!
- There were a lot of hopes on this Brazil team and being the host nation they were expected to win but with Neymar out injured and their talismanic captain Thiago Silva suspended it was always going to be tough.
- Germany scraped past France and Brazil had bruised and battered their way to the semi final.
- Bernard replaced the incredible Neymar and Dante came in for Thiago Silva, Germany went in with the same lineup and Lahm was playing as a fullback (thank god for that).
- The game started with Brazil pouncing on Germany and winning a corner in the first minute and Marcelo popped up a shot wide to start the game.
- Then there was a lot of scrambling around, losing the ball, pushing yourselves forward, losing the ball and then Khedira opened Brazil up and a mismatch of passes between Muller and Khedira in the 7th minute meant that Germany weren’t going to score (for now).
- Khedira then won the Germans a corner and the Brazilian defense decided to go and take a nap towards the near post leaving the incredible Thomas Muller completely unmarked, and what does he do next? He finishes and he finishes well because he’s no Fred , he’s Thomas Muller!
- Germany 1- 0 Brazil (11 minutes)
- Brazil then seemed to want to attack and tried galloping forward but the Germans were way too organized to be deterred, it was absolutely incredible how they kept themselves so well composed and calm despite the enormous pressure .
- The germans were coming across as absolutely lethal on the break with Brazil continuing to waste chances, the Germans made sure to capitalize.
- In the 23rd minute a ball popped up from the right with Fernandinho watching it pass by (possibly even waving at it in joy) and Muller does a lovely little layoff-dummy and it falls to Mirolsav Klose who then shoots at the keeper,it rebounds and falls straight back to him and he doesn’t miss the second time!
- It’s Germany 2-0 Brazil and MIROSLAV KLOSE IS THE ALL TIME WORLD CUP TOP SCORER.
- He surpasses the glorious Ronaldo who watches on from the commentary box wondering why he wasn’t chosen over Fred.
- With the Germans leading 2-0 early on in the second half, you’d expect them to sit back and guard their lead but this German side were hungry for more and Toni Kroos makes up for a missed airshot by Thomas Muller in the 25th minute and SCORES!!
- It’s Germany 3-0 Brazil and this is looking bad for the Brazilians.
- Did I say bad? Things just became a lot worse, Fernandinho gets caught in possession and Kroos slots the ball home to make it 4 for the Germans!
- It’s Germany 4-0 Brazil and ladies and gentlemen if your kids are watching this it’s time to cover their eyes, this is turning out to be BRUTAL RAPE.
- The Germans are passing the ball at will, dodging the Brazilian defenders at will and an exchange of passes between Klose and Ozil leads to Khedira who then gets on the scoresheet! Khedira has led this German side from the front and his having an absolutely EPIC game!
- It’s Germany 5-0 Brazil and the goals just don’t seem to stop.
- The Germans don’t seem to be in any mood to stop and are continuing to attack, I don’t see how people can blame Fred when his defense concedes five goals in 29 minutes. David Luiz has been pathetic and Dante has been the worst possible substitute for Thiago Silva. Maicon has been seen more in the German half than his own and Marcelo has goofed up, everything that could go wrong for Brazil has gone wrong.
- This is an interesting stat : There were only 179 seconds between Germany’s 2nd and 4th goal. One word guys, one word : DESTRUCTION
- It’s heartbreaking to see everyone in the stands crying and maybe Germany have overdone it a bit. Your heart goes out to all the kids crying in the stands.
- The first half ends with not much to add (you have 5 goals Germany, how many more da?) but Brazil have been outclassed and you’d wonder how this team managed to reach the semi finals.
- Sadly David Luiz has been unable to step up and be Brazil’s inspiration in Thiago Silva and Neymar’s absence and that has undoubtedly cost them.
- Bad News for Brazil fans: The second half is about to start!
- Fernandinho gets taken off for an early nap and on comes Paulinho and the hapless Hulk comes off for Ramires (who most of us would’ve wanted to see more of this World Cup).
- Germany being as classy as they can and take off Hummels for Mertesacker who’d probably be hoping to score another one while everyone’s already at it.
- Brazil start the second half well much better than the first and the Brazilians have a penalty claim denied (YES DENIED) in the 48th minute, the referee waves them to play on.
- Brazil seem to be attacking well and playing better with Ramires doing a decent job since coming on but Manuel Neuer proving to be too good for most crosses.
- In the 53rd minute the unimaginable happened! Brazil somehow get the ball to Paulinho in the box and he shoots but straight at the keeper, the rebound falls to him and Neuer completes a double save! The Germans are probably letting this happen to make Brazil feel better.
- Brazil continuing to attack and Thomas Muller continues to have a magnificent game, first with his attacking display and now he comes back and makes very important tackles.
- Germany then decide to take off Klose for Schurrle in the 57th minute. This is schurrle the end for Brazil.
- Brazil get a chance but sadly it falls to Fred, enough said. Play on fellas!
- Okay the game seems to be back to normal now and the Germans are attacking again,Cesar makes a heroic save and nicks the ball off Muller who seems to be everywhere!
- It’s 68 minutes up and Dante becomes the first man to get a yellow card, he was probably aiming for red since he wouldn’t want to see this carnage out.
- What happens next? Khedira plays in Lahm who surges in on the right and picks out Schurrle who places the shot past the keeper and none of us know where the defenders were. Goal of the night!
- It’s Germany 6-0 Brazil. And I’m being told that someone’s uploading this on Brazzers. My my.
- The sight that all Brazilian fans have been waiting for this tournament, FRED gets taken off! Willian on and Fred gets booed from every section of the crowd. Let’s not get ahead of ourselves, Brazil’s attack has been shite but their defence has been shittier. Were all these guys high last night? They seem to be buzzing all around and nobody other than Bernard and at times Oscar seem to give a shit.
- Marcelo then loses the ball in the 76th minute and there’s a quarrel between Luiz and Muller and the ref cools everyone down. Play on boys, Germany need to score.
- It’s the 79th minute and there’s a surging run on the left and its curled inside to Schurrle and he lashes it home with a clinical finish.
- It’s Germany 7-0 Brazil. WOW, I’m speechless.
- Germany could’ve made it 8 but Ozil drags his shot wide in the 88th minute!
- The Brazilians somehow manage to break through and Oscar shows a lot of composure and slots it in. Personal Achievement for the Brazilians : Didn’t give Neuer a clean sheet.
- It’s Germany 7-1 Brazil in 90 minutes.
- The ref then brings the game to an end and Brazil have been absolutely bulldozed and tarnished.
- “This is what happens when a very overrated team comes up against a heavily underrated team” - Sir Joey Barton (and we couldn’t agree more)
What Twitter had to say?
One last thought : Isn’t it funny how the hashtag #BRAGER sounds a lot like #BRAZZER?
It was destined to happen!