By Anjali Gopakumar
“When we seek to discover the best in others, we somehow bring out the best in ourselves.” -William Arthur Ward
How many of us have hurt others for no reason whatsoever, and later on consoled ourselves by thinking stuff like we didn’t mean it, or there was a deeper reason, or whatever? How many of us have avoided trusting people just because we’re scared we might get hurt or cheated, without giving the other person a chance?How many of us have hurt others for no reason whatsoever, and later on consoled ourselves by thinking stuff like we didn’t mean it, or there was a deeper reason, or whatever? How many of us have avoided trusting people just because we’re scared we might get hurt or cheated, without giving the other person a chance?
I read somewhere that we tend to judge ourselves by our intentions and other people by their actions. In other words, we give ourselves the benefit of the doubt, whereas we’re more likely to assume other people mean to be cruel, inconsiderate, or hurtful when they make poor choices.I read that we need to console ourselves that we are good people in order to live with ourselves, and we want to quickly assess which other people aren’t to make sure that they won’t hurt us. It’s kind of like a mental shortcut. And how true the writer was.
My dad taught me that if you begin by judging a person, you are more likely to notice only their flaws, and not who they actually are. He told me to take a person for who they are, and try to see the best in them- their positive traits. So, we need to see the best in people, and stop fearing for the worst. We need to keep in our mind that most people do mean well. But of course, this won’t exactly prove true every time. Sometimes people don’t really turn out to be how they seem and no matter how many times we try to see the best in people, we may get hurt.But we must remember that trusting and believing in people takes time and we can learn about all this only through experience.
I remember a small story my dad once told me.
Late one night, a guy was driving in a remote countryside when his tyre got punctured. On checking his boot, he found that he had only his jack, and didn’t have the handle with him. He looked around and saw a light glowing from a house around 2 km away. He decided to walk down and ask for help. On the way, he started imagining about the people in the house and what their reactions could be-
“They might not even have a jack handle.”
“They might have a jack handle, but they might refuse giving it to me.”
“They might get angry at this late intrusion and might start shouting at him.”
“They might even call the cops.”
He kept thinking and thinking, and by the time he reached the small cottage, he was in a boiling rage at the man who lived there, even though he had never met him and had no idea who he was. When he knocked on the door, a kind old man opened it and looked out expectantly. The enraged guy shouted at the old man “I don’t want your dumb jack handle; you can keep it, for all I care” and stormed back to his car, leaving the old man dumb- founded.
What do you think the story was about? The guy started thinking about the worst things that can happen, and ended up creating a mental image of the man he had never met, and his possible reactions.
We ourselves have done this a number of times. We see a person and create an image in our mind, thinking of the worst, and react to that image. And most of the times, our reactions provoke just the kind of response or action we think of. This reinforces the mental image in our minds. But if we looked for the best in that person and act based on that, the response might just be different.
So the next time you meet a person, keep an open mind, and be positive.
My dad taught me that if you begin by judging a person, you are more likely to notice only their flaws, and not who they actually are. He told me to take a person for who they are, and try to see the best in them- their positive traits. So, we need to see the best in people, and stop fearing for the worst. We need to keep in our mind that most people do mean well. But of course, this won’t exactly prove true every time. Sometimes people don’t really turn out to be how they seem and no matter how many times we try to see the best in people, we may get hurt.But we must remember that trusting and believing in people takes time and we can learn about all this only through experience.
I remember a small story my dad once told me.
Late one night, a guy was driving in a remote countryside when his tyre got punctured. On checking his boot, he found that he had only his jack, and didn’t have the handle with him. He looked around and saw a light glowing from a house around 2 km away. He decided to walk down and ask for help. On the way, he started imagining about the people in the house and what their reactions could be-
“They might not even have a jack handle.”
“They might have a jack handle, but they might refuse giving it to me.”
“They might get angry at this late intrusion and might start shouting at him.”
“They might even call the cops.”
He kept thinking and thinking, and by the time he reached the small cottage, he was in a boiling rage at the man who lived there, even though he had never met him and had no idea who he was. When he knocked on the door, a kind old man opened it and looked out expectantly. The enraged guy shouted at the old man “I don’t want your dumb jack handle; you can keep it, for all I care” and stormed back to his car, leaving the old man dumb- founded.
What do you think the story was about? The guy started thinking about the worst things that can happen, and ended up creating a mental image of the man he had never met, and his possible reactions.
We ourselves have done this a number of times. We see a person and create an image in our mind, thinking of the worst, and react to that image. And most of the times, our reactions provoke just the kind of response or action we think of. This reinforces the mental image in our minds. But if we looked for the best in that person and act based on that, the response might just be different.
So the next time you meet a person, keep an open mind, and be positive.