by: Tapsya Pandita
The tangled boughs and the spilling downpour through them sang mercilessly. The morning had dissolved into a darker prospect. The darkness seemed to penetrate the core of light. The world was spinning around me. The shrieks got louder with every passing second. The road ahead was covered in blood. Men were slain and women raped. A mirror reflected my visage daubed with soil. My sight could not discern my own identity. They had ... my soul and served it to themselves in a plate. I pulled my hair but couldn't feel them on my head. I felt bare, nude, and, there was no hair anywhere on my skin. I was flesh; pure specimen of carnality to be devoured for pleasure. People were running outside. And, I stood trapped inside, among blood and bodies, swirling like a whirlpool around death.
And suddenly, I got up.
And suddenly, I got up.
My sight was getting clearer and, as I focused it to the scene around, I remembered every stroke and blow that had laid the people around me to their perpetual sleep. My father lay prostrate beside my mother. My cousin who had revolted and strongly displeased the band of armed cannibalistic fiends had his arms severed before he was shot in his head. He was just beneath my feet, the terrible countenance still intact. The floor was all blood. I was a captive in my own godown. The appalling reality seemed to slip continuously from within my grasp. I wasn't wailing seeing all my family dead in front of me. I was just scared, for my own self. I realised they had saved me just for a deadlier end.
' Your tea is getting cold. ' My husband yanked me back from the past.
' Where is Snigdha? ' I turned to look at Robert who was busy preparing breakfast for our children.
' In the loo. She is singing some stupid song. ' Robert was confused at the peculiar confluence of different languages in our house. We were both from different parts of the country, our maid and Shiv from some other, and, Snigdha was a funny mix of the three. Her songs would sway around with a hint of every language merging into another and oscillating, fixed on the common ground of English.
' Yes, this is the bus to the city. We reach the city and meet Robert. We together leave this country. ' Kajri was almost panting. She had never envisaged a circumstance so grim in her life. She was in a hurry to flee before getting killed. Flee the state - her country. She found me in the godown lying with the bodies. ' Madamji, come, hurry, we need to leave, fast, the whole village is with them, they will stone you, please, we need to run, please madamji.' She spoke breathlessly, tears trickling down her cheeks. 'They will stone you’, the words echoed. 'But I can't leave them like this', I pointed at the bodies of my kin, all lying in blood and dust. 'You must save yourself first. They will all come here and take you, madamji. we need to go to Robert saab, come, or we both die.' I had left my family there and escaped. It was around dusk. Kajri knew every stone in the village, she knew all the ways to all the places. We had to reach the bus stop without getting noticed and board the bus to the city. And, we did.
Robert was at Ali's place. They were writing a novel together. I reached there at night, after a three-hour long journey with Kajri. I was shattered, exhausted, and, dehydrated. Robert calmed me, wiped my tears, and promised to secure the bodies of my family members. He called the police. I don't know when I fainted. I woke up the other morning. The turmoil still echoed in my head.
' We can't let this marriage happen.'
' She is a bitch, a bad influence on our daughters.'
'All because of, her parents sending her far away to study, and look, She goes to college and comes back with a Christian.'
I never knew this fire would turn so wild. It would kill my parents, my brother and, leave me guilt-ridden my whole life. I never knew they would rip my flesh apart, rape me, and keep me stored to please them whenever they wished. A girl who transgressed was a whore. She had no character and, rape was her punishment. That was how they justified their brutality. They were all together, the panchayat, the people, the police. Some of them were the leaders, the patriarchs, others the blind followers, fleas entangled in the autocratic cobwebs spun by the dictators of that society.
I would not be alive if it wasn't for Kajri. She had been in our family for years. And she had become my savior that day.
Fifteen people were convicted. Three sentenced to death. Those who killed my family and raped me didn't get away. And I lived to hear the news of their deaths.
But, my tea! I sipped my tea with contentment. The conifer peeped into the house and bowed in traditional greeting. Somewhere Snigdha shouted for Kajri. She would never let Kajri live in peace. I saw Shiv coming towards me. 'Badimamma, I can't make this knot.’ he projected his school-tie into my lap and went to get his mother back from my naughty little child. Robert suddenly appeared from nowhere, picked me up in his arms and, put me in the sofa, ' The mechanic has come to repair your wheelchair.'
' I don't need one.' I said to him.
' Your tea is getting cold. ' My husband yanked me back from the past.
' Where is Snigdha? ' I turned to look at Robert who was busy preparing breakfast for our children.
' In the loo. She is singing some stupid song. ' Robert was confused at the peculiar confluence of different languages in our house. We were both from different parts of the country, our maid and Shiv from some other, and, Snigdha was a funny mix of the three. Her songs would sway around with a hint of every language merging into another and oscillating, fixed on the common ground of English.
' Yes, this is the bus to the city. We reach the city and meet Robert. We together leave this country. ' Kajri was almost panting. She had never envisaged a circumstance so grim in her life. She was in a hurry to flee before getting killed. Flee the state - her country. She found me in the godown lying with the bodies. ' Madamji, come, hurry, we need to leave, fast, the whole village is with them, they will stone you, please, we need to run, please madamji.' She spoke breathlessly, tears trickling down her cheeks. 'They will stone you’, the words echoed. 'But I can't leave them like this', I pointed at the bodies of my kin, all lying in blood and dust. 'You must save yourself first. They will all come here and take you, madamji. we need to go to Robert saab, come, or we both die.' I had left my family there and escaped. It was around dusk. Kajri knew every stone in the village, she knew all the ways to all the places. We had to reach the bus stop without getting noticed and board the bus to the city. And, we did.
Robert was at Ali's place. They were writing a novel together. I reached there at night, after a three-hour long journey with Kajri. I was shattered, exhausted, and, dehydrated. Robert calmed me, wiped my tears, and promised to secure the bodies of my family members. He called the police. I don't know when I fainted. I woke up the other morning. The turmoil still echoed in my head.
' We can't let this marriage happen.'
' She is a bitch, a bad influence on our daughters.'
'All because of, her parents sending her far away to study, and look, She goes to college and comes back with a Christian.'
I never knew this fire would turn so wild. It would kill my parents, my brother and, leave me guilt-ridden my whole life. I never knew they would rip my flesh apart, rape me, and keep me stored to please them whenever they wished. A girl who transgressed was a whore. She had no character and, rape was her punishment. That was how they justified their brutality. They were all together, the panchayat, the people, the police. Some of them were the leaders, the patriarchs, others the blind followers, fleas entangled in the autocratic cobwebs spun by the dictators of that society.
I would not be alive if it wasn't for Kajri. She had been in our family for years. And she had become my savior that day.
Fifteen people were convicted. Three sentenced to death. Those who killed my family and raped me didn't get away. And I lived to hear the news of their deaths.
But, my tea! I sipped my tea with contentment. The conifer peeped into the house and bowed in traditional greeting. Somewhere Snigdha shouted for Kajri. She would never let Kajri live in peace. I saw Shiv coming towards me. 'Badimamma, I can't make this knot.’ he projected his school-tie into my lap and went to get his mother back from my naughty little child. Robert suddenly appeared from nowhere, picked me up in his arms and, put me in the sofa, ' The mechanic has come to repair your wheelchair.'
' I don't need one.' I said to him.